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WEEKLY WISDOM
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We all have regrets about the past. Maybe we wished we’d
handled a relationship differently, or better? It can be
overwhelming to become conscious of the damage that some
mistakes have caused. Rather than transform painful
choices, relationships blocks, and unhappy lives (which
seems to be an obvious solution), many choose to ignore the
reality of what they’ve created and pretend nothing is wrong.
They think they’ll avoid pain that way. Not true! The strain of
avoidance always causes more pain (and work), and over
time creates extensive damage. It’s easier to just fess up-
heal-and move forward.
Here are some easy, pain-free ways to heal lives and
relationships that may be suffering:
1. Say two simple words-“I'm Sorry!” These two short
and easy words often go unsaid because those who may
need to say them are too afraid to use them! Saying "I'm
Sorry" doesn't always mean you're admitting to a crime. It
can mean, "I'm sorry that happened." Or, "I'm sorry you feel
that way." If a relationship is particularly vulnerable to hurt or
argument, stick to these magic words. Say them lovingly.
You'll be amazed at how something so simple will transform
your life!
2. Validate others--it’s the easy way to resolve conflict.
Regardless of your opinion or perception, there's two sides to
a story-your’s and there’s. Those who feel wounded by you
may not see your point-of-view, and they are much less likely
to see your side when you refuse to see theirs. When we get
in a, "I'm right, he/she is wrong" battle, we are surely stuck!
Perhaps everyone is right. That is-we are always right about
our feelings, whether or not we agree on the details. When
we validate the other person, we open the door for them to
acknowledge us, and this begins resolution. If your
challenger doesn’t choose to accept your outlook-let it go.
Regardless, you’ll feel better.
3. Establish healthy boundaries. We all need limits to
maintain healthy relationships and happy lives. When we
uphold appropriate and positive boundaries, we have better
self-esteem; we find we are kinder to others and ourselves;
and, we create and sustain unconscious expectations where
others know that we expect them to be kind to us. Treating
one another with love and kindness is the most essential
element for any relationship (and family). Without healthy
boundaries and appropriate limits, families fall apart.
4. Serve those you love. When we are self-absorbed, we
are unforgiving and unable to properly acknowledge those
we love. We manifest our selfishness with an unforgiving
nature. To break-free of this unhealthy cycle, serve another
without any expectation of receiving something in return. As
we serve, we heal our tendency to be selfish, we open our
minds to new possibilities, and unleash our potential to
receive limitless joy!
5. Forgive-it’s the only way to move forward! Holding
on to judgment and criticism of another leaves us stuck with
the burden of high expectations and the pain of regret.
Forgiveness allows us to energetically dump the heavy,
emotional backpacks we carry. Sometimes we must forgive
ourselves. Other times we need to absolve a loved one who
has betrayed us. Either way, as we forgive, we literally “give”
away our pain. It’s the only way to truly heal a damaged
relationship!
6. Love yourself! We all make mistakes-that’s the way we
learn. If we all did it perfect all of the time, the world would be
dull and we’d never progress. We need each other to make
mistakes so that life can be a laboratory of learning. Truly
loving from the inside out happens when we let go of high
expectations and accept ourselves-the positive and negative
traits we possess. This means acknowledging and tolerating
our mistakes, and growing beyond them. As we choose this
option, we discover self-love, which breeds a sense of
freedom, happiness, and healthy self-esteem in our posterity.
As you associate with your family, remember to apply these
tips. For this week’s homework, determine which one of these
suggestions will best serve as you work to transform your life,
and then develop a plan to implement this principle into your
every day routine.
Enjoy your week!
Rebecca Linder Hintze
Author, wellness counselor
©Rebecca Linder Hintze, 2010.
handled a relationship differently, or better? It can be
overwhelming to become conscious of the damage that some
mistakes have caused. Rather than transform painful
choices, relationships blocks, and unhappy lives (which
seems to be an obvious solution), many choose to ignore the
reality of what they’ve created and pretend nothing is wrong.
They think they’ll avoid pain that way. Not true! The strain of
avoidance always causes more pain (and work), and over
time creates extensive damage. It’s easier to just fess up-
heal-and move forward.
Here are some easy, pain-free ways to heal lives and
relationships that may be suffering:
1. Say two simple words-“I'm Sorry!” These two short
and easy words often go unsaid because those who may
need to say them are too afraid to use them! Saying "I'm
Sorry" doesn't always mean you're admitting to a crime. It
can mean, "I'm sorry that happened." Or, "I'm sorry you feel
that way." If a relationship is particularly vulnerable to hurt or
argument, stick to these magic words. Say them lovingly.
You'll be amazed at how something so simple will transform
your life!
2. Validate others--it’s the easy way to resolve conflict.
Regardless of your opinion or perception, there's two sides to
a story-your’s and there’s. Those who feel wounded by you
may not see your point-of-view, and they are much less likely
to see your side when you refuse to see theirs. When we get
in a, "I'm right, he/she is wrong" battle, we are surely stuck!
Perhaps everyone is right. That is-we are always right about
our feelings, whether or not we agree on the details. When
we validate the other person, we open the door for them to
acknowledge us, and this begins resolution. If your
challenger doesn’t choose to accept your outlook-let it go.
Regardless, you’ll feel better.
3. Establish healthy boundaries. We all need limits to
maintain healthy relationships and happy lives. When we
uphold appropriate and positive boundaries, we have better
self-esteem; we find we are kinder to others and ourselves;
and, we create and sustain unconscious expectations where
others know that we expect them to be kind to us. Treating
one another with love and kindness is the most essential
element for any relationship (and family). Without healthy
boundaries and appropriate limits, families fall apart.
4. Serve those you love. When we are self-absorbed, we
are unforgiving and unable to properly acknowledge those
we love. We manifest our selfishness with an unforgiving
nature. To break-free of this unhealthy cycle, serve another
without any expectation of receiving something in return. As
we serve, we heal our tendency to be selfish, we open our
minds to new possibilities, and unleash our potential to
receive limitless joy!
5. Forgive-it’s the only way to move forward! Holding
on to judgment and criticism of another leaves us stuck with
the burden of high expectations and the pain of regret.
Forgiveness allows us to energetically dump the heavy,
emotional backpacks we carry. Sometimes we must forgive
ourselves. Other times we need to absolve a loved one who
has betrayed us. Either way, as we forgive, we literally “give”
away our pain. It’s the only way to truly heal a damaged
relationship!
6. Love yourself! We all make mistakes-that’s the way we
learn. If we all did it perfect all of the time, the world would be
dull and we’d never progress. We need each other to make
mistakes so that life can be a laboratory of learning. Truly
loving from the inside out happens when we let go of high
expectations and accept ourselves-the positive and negative
traits we possess. This means acknowledging and tolerating
our mistakes, and growing beyond them. As we choose this
option, we discover self-love, which breeds a sense of
freedom, happiness, and healthy self-esteem in our posterity.
As you associate with your family, remember to apply these
tips. For this week’s homework, determine which one of these
suggestions will best serve as you work to transform your life,
and then develop a plan to implement this principle into your
every day routine.
Enjoy your week!
Rebecca Linder Hintze
Author, wellness counselor
©Rebecca Linder Hintze, 2010.
Heal Lives & Relationships Today ...
| In 2002, Rebecca began publishing this on-line column. Since then, the newsletter has grown to include publication in various printed corporate newsletters and newspapers around the world. The column is a public service and my be reprinted free of charge. Please notify our office if you plan to reprint or translate this message (1.571.246.7400). |
WEEKLY WISDOM
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